She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
