Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
