I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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