Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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