Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
