i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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