I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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