I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
