There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize