alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
