Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
