Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
