Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
