How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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