She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
