his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize