He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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