Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
