my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
