Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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