That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
