She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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