capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
