Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
