My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize