You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
