You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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