3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
