your thong is hanging out like whoa
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
