God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
