her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
