I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
