I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize