Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
