A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm like, not good at living.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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