my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize