Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just pee around me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
