First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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