when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is my gift to your gina
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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