we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
