my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
