it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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