I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We need to get me chipped asap
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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