Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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