I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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