She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
