Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
