just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize