I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
