So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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