Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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