I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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