I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
