i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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