Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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