Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
