she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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