is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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