jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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