he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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