I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
