but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
