Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize