i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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