last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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