at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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