We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
