That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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