I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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