can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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