I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
