Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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