i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
