dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
