She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize