I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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