Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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