At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
