Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
