just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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