So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
