i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
