no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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