I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
