It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
