Nicole vs. Life
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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