looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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